Hello world! Hope everyone is practicing social distancing and staying safe out there! We all have hunkered down and the Moms have lock downed the Gaydy House! I should have known something was coming, considering January felt like an entire year, February was like 3 days and now March is shaping up to be like 3 years. Now look at us! I don't know what friggen day it is or what month we're in. Lately, it's been like this every morning I wake up:
So if you all recall from our last blog, we were getting ready to do some minor remodeling inside. Nothing crazy, some fresh painting in the living room, hallway and kitchen. Some new appliances and new couches. I'm sure you're all wondering how it's going since the remodeling started and the hit of the Coronavirus. I'll tell you how it's going....it's on hold. We have no couches in our living room and haven't for a month or so. Which means everyone is confined to their rooms because the only other place we have somewhere to sit is in the kitchen. I don't think I've every seen everyone so excited to come to dinner. Lately, dinner has been looking like this:
The way it's looking, we should get the carpet, furniture, new refrigerator and floor by early September. Sometimes I find myself in our living room like this:
So how is everyone holding up? More importantly how are the parents that had to become homeschool teachers holding up? I for one can say that on average I've sent our son to the principal once a day and he's bordering suspension! This is very traumatic for me, as I hated school. The mere fact that I now have to "teach" I feel like teachers not only need like a six figure salary but they should get hazard pay as well. This is some real shit. I'm getting assignment emails from teachers at like 11:30 at night for the next day. The sound for our son's email goes off and it triggers this response:
I don't understand... I can't even keep up with my own personal emails and now I have to keep track of our son's school emails. I am not responsible enough for this job! I openly and unapologetically admit that I'm completely unqualified and irresponsible to be in charge of our younger son's schooling! I may very well end up going off the curriculum and teach this kid some life lessons. We'll start simple, making your bed or putting your clothes in the hamper as opposed to scattered all over the floor.
School starts at 9am, by 10:30am this kid tries to tell me he's done all his assignments in all 4 of his classes? I may be completely unqualified for this new found position, however I wasn't born yesterday! Now I will admit that each teacher sends two assignments, one for the day and one for the following day. My suggestion was to get it all done so the next day when the next 4 assignments come in you're not overloaded. Smart, right? Well of course this leads to a twenty minute debate about how it's not "technically" due, which ultimately leads to Anthony looking like this:
Meanwhile, I'm over here like this:
It's a miracle teachers aren't alcoholics, dealing with 12 year old boys with attitudes all day! I actually have 3 bottles of red wine in my closet, which is usually where I go to hide come 2p.m.
Before this whole thing became a pandemic, my wife and I ran out to stock up on some things...and NO we are not the ones hoarding things. For example, we have 7 people in this house, that's a lot of asses to wipe, which means the need for toilet paper. Well, that was a fun adventure!! We went to 6 stores looking for toilet paper and couldn't find a single roll. Eventually we found some at a CVS and I was walking out like a hero looking like:
Don't worry I left some for other people! Then the hunt began for lysol, bleach, hand sanitizer and hand soap. Now we are not the ones that have just begun washing their hands when the Corona hit, We always wash our hands but again 7 people in a house requires a lot of items on hand. We bought whatever we could find, which was no easy task. At some point I felt like Tom Cruise in Mission Impossible just trying to find some of the things. By the end of our adventure, which by the way took hours and multiple stores, I looked like this:
My wife and I both carry a can of lysol in our bags and we are NOT afraid to use it! In fact, we both bought bigger bags just to be prepared in case we had to go out. So IF we have to go out, we're prepared like this:
For example, my wife goes full on Hazmat at the ATM.... gloves and sunglasses and proceeds to spray the whole ATM and whatever cars are lined up behind us. It's not just ATMs. We've opted for shopping online and having groceries delivered because let's face it, me in a crowded store and I hear someone cough near me, I'm throat punching them. In any event, when packages arrive, my wife goes outside on the porch with lysol and proceeds to spray them down like this:
Then she comes inside and proceeds to do this:
Forget about coming! You come in and you're getting this:
We do not play! With all these damn White House briefings and Corona updates, I'm seriously thinking of resorting to this:
I guess the one good thing coming out of the White House briefings is that we have now officially learned about "the hands" and that Idaho, Nebraska and Iowa are countries! Who the fuck knew!!!