Raise your hand if you woke up in a complete state of panic, wondering how to smuggle your family into Canada? I’m usually not one for “serious conversations” because I believe in levity to every situation. However, I would not be doing my wife, my family or my community justice if I did not speak and make my voice heard. My wife and I don’t have a rainbow flag waving outside our house, nor do we have gay stickers on our cars. We do not go to pride, not because we aren’t proud of who we are, but because we are older and settled and have a family. That being said, last night we voted Democrat. We did not vote to make history, we voted for what was right for our family. Yes, the thought of LGBT rights/LGBT Marriage possibly being overturned is scary but 4 years ago I legally said “I do” to the PERSON I loved and wanted to share the rest of my life with; and I will spend the rest of my life fighting to protect that vow and the family that we have built together!
On the brighter side of things maybe spray tans will be cheaper now that Donnie is in the White House. I for one would like to suggest that the day after Election Day be deemed a day of mourning, celebrating, drinking, moving or just sleeping, whatever fancies you. My wife stayed up later than I did last night (which is a shocker) watching the Election, whereas I decided to call it a night at midnight. This morning came, and I still woke up the same way. One dog laying on my head, another dog hogging the blankets, and a mob squad of cats gathered outside our bedroom door ready to pounce. The animals aren’t much into politics. I mean no one is really threatening their right to piss in a liter box, bark at a stranger, lay around sleeping all day. Hell they can go around and hump whoever and whatever they want without anyone batting and eye.
If animals had the right vote, I wonder how that would pan out. Let’s talk about this for a moment, shall we. Let’s think of it this way, cats would be the Republicans and dogs would be the Democrats, or vice versa because neither cats nor dogs actually listen to what we want them to do for us. If cats had to elect a Presidential candidate, I wonder who it would be. Let’s see you have Grumpy Cat, Cheshire Cat, Tigger (Clearly Tigger would be the Bush’s of the cats) and Pink Panther. If dogs had to elect a Presidential candidate, they would probably chose, lets see, you got Lassie, Toto ( little small and meek for President, but ya never know), snoopy and Scooby Doo. I don’t know, this would be a close one. Instead of elephants versus donkeys we got cats versus dogs. You know that election would be interesting! I wonder if Florida would take 13 hours to count ballots on this election?
For the cats, I could totally see the Grumpy cat being a front runner. He just doesn’t give a shit, no filter, says what he feels, wants to kill everyone…. hmmm, is Grumpy Cat the cat form of Trump? Lassie would totally be the representative for the dogs. Older, wiser, gentler, always saving the young kids…wait a minute… kind of sounds like Bernie! Interesting, very very interesting!
Clearly the lack of sleep has affected my ability to function on a normal level of intelligence, or the fact that the First Lady IS now Melania Trump! Either way my brain is all over the place today. Can I just point out that I did not get a sticker after I voted. What the fuck is that! Everyone on social media was posting selfie’s with their stickers and here I am over here just putting up a stupid pre-made status by Facebook. Talk about the outcast. I was totally judged for not having a “I Voted” sticker. I mean come on… don’t promote “I voted” stickers and then not have them at the polls, that’s just wrong.
This week the kids are off from school so I’m hiding out here at work while the wife is taking cover at home. I think they call this week their “fall break”. FALL BREAK… what the hell is that and when did that happen? You kids have only been in school for less than 2 months and you already need a break. Shit, I’ve been working for the past 22 years and I never got a “fall break”! My wife told me that they’re winter break was in December. Hold up, wait, what? I’m sorry, winter what? Another break?! Let’s not forget spring break, then summer break. For the love of what the fuckness, they have breaks for every damn season!
Can we get a president to address that please and thank you.