Shark & Surgery Week

SHARK WEEK IS HERE...SHARK WEEK IS HERE! I'm so excited we started pre-gaming last night with some highlights from last year's Shark Week. The whole time I'm sitting on the couch like this:

Shark Week is a huge event in our household... for Tammy and I at least! I mean come on, it's the greatest week ever! The kids disappear the minute they see a shark on the screen, but at least Tam and I are getting Mom and Mommy time! Let's pick up where we left off from the last blog. The switching of rooms has been completed and Carlton has officially moved in. I really thought the objective of parenting was having kids, raising them to be independent, well mannered, respectable adults that leave the house. For some reason we keep adding children to this house. Not sure what we're doing wrong here? I mean I've gone over it in my head a thousand times, chores and all and they're all like "yea we're not moving out any time soon!"

Back to the drawing board I guess. In any event, let's get back to the official move in of the newest member of the Gaydy Clan. I mean he's technically not the newest member because he's been with our daughter for 5 years, but it's now really official! I'm really okay with the move in, Carlton has some really nice clothes and it just so happens that I wear the same size as him so we agreed that I could raid his closed while he was at work. I mean I'm  not sure if he thinks that I was joking, but I'm not! 

Speaking of clothes... I bought a binder (all you butches out there know what that it is) because my boobs just so happen to interfere with a lot of the clothes I like to wear. I was so excited to get this thing and wear a slimmer shirt without the boob opening around the buttons. I was on my way home from work last week, when my wife sent me a text that it had arrived. Ok...while I don't doubt for one second that this company makes a solid product, their sizing chart might be slightly off. Just a little background, before ordering I went and got professionally measured and came in at a 40C. According to the sizing chart a 40C would have been an XL so to be safe, I up'd it to a XXL. Smart right? Wait.. I'm not done yet! 

I get home from work, change my clothes and go to put it on before heading out to pick up Tammy and Bianca from the hair salon. It was the worst 30 minutes of my life! I'm not even lying when I say that I almost dislocated a shoulder putting this thing on. Now the one I got had a zipper side. I tried every way imaginable to get this thing on. The unzipped part literally came to the center of my back and the more I pulled to the left to try and zip it up, the more I heard ribs cracking. I tried to put it on already zipped and ended up with my shoulder in position that orthopedically speaking It should probably never be in. Then I got stuck. So for 5 minutes I was like this:

I seriously had red marks all over my biceps from trying to put this thing on. So needless to say it's going back for a larger size. I was so upset when I got to the salon and told my wife what happen. I mean she was really supportive by asking me to reenact the whole trying on when got home. She was convinced it would fit, she said i needed help putting it on. I'm sorry but what's the point of getting something if you need help putting it on?? Let's just say that it did not require help putting it on, I needed a bigger size because my back is the size of a small state! How the hell did I end up with a 34 inch waist and a 44 inch back??? It's not normal! I told my wife that I looked like Spongebob and she was all like, "No you don't. I love your back and shoulders! You're well proportioned. Meanwhile I I was all like:

I suppose I should tell you all about the painting project. Basically in a nutshell I finished one out of three rooms and haven't painted since. Listen, painting is great cardio and when you're 39 pushing 40, but mentally you think you're still in your 20's the outcome isn't so good. I got all the walls painted in Bee and Carlton's room and started some of the ceiling. When I got done, I spent the rest of the night walking around like this:

On to more important and interesting things. So this coming Tuesday Tammy will finally have her long awaited back surgery. Last week we had pre-admission testing at the hospital and then Thursday night a surgical clearance appointment with our primary doctor. I have to say the pre-admission testing was pretty intense. First of all the nurse sounded like one of those auctioneers, this bitch was speaking so damn fast about what we had to do the night before the surgery and the morning before. She was speaking faster than my brain could process. I sat in the chair like:

Thank the lord baby Jesus we got written instructions and handouts. So apparently, the night before the surgery Tammy has to take a shower and then after a few hours after she's dry I have to wipe her down with these special wipes. Then the morning before we leave for the hospital I have to wipe her down again. Now I'm not opposed to helping out, because ya know the whole for better or worse vow thing. However, I am opposed to helping out when my wife is NOT allowed to have any coffee in the morning. This is dangerous. Like seriously dangerous. The surgery is high risk, but my wife not having coffee in the morning and me having to wipe her down is even a higher risk. Not for her, but for me and my life! I mean I'm not having surgery so the mere fact that I can drink coffee and probably will before leaving for the hospital just increases that risk. For all of you that don't know what my wife looks like before she has coffee she looks like this:

So imagine dealing with the above in the morning of the surgery and me having to wipe her down with medial wipes in these areas:

Nothing good could possibly come from this, especially when I hit number 5! I may die Tuesday morning, a slow painful death! 

I will keep you all updated about Tammy's progress through our social media accounts! Send Mama Tammy some positive vibes on twitter and instagram, as well as our facebook page!