Now that I have recovered from the near death experience from last week, we're back to our regularly scheduled craziness, here in the Gaydy household. The weekend has come! A long over due two days of relaxation that one strives for Monday through Friday, has finally fallen upon my tired feet... too dramatic? Who ask you anyway?! Getting back to my two days of relaxation and sleeping in.
Saturday morning I was all snuggled up in bed, cozied in with the blankets and I hear, "KRIS!!! Are you getting up?!" I remember mumbling something in audible and then saying "what time is it?" Here I am thinking that I done slept through the afternoon the way the Gestapo came in to the bedroom. Her response to me...."9:45". IN THE FUCKING MORNING?!
I mean come on woman weren't you listening when I said that two days of relaxation had fallen upon my tired feet? Her response to me was, "well you went to bed at 11, you've had plenty of rest, now get up!" Oh, I'm sorry I didn't realize you were the keeper of my sleep cycle! Of course she turns on the bedroom light and pulls the blankets off and tells me she made coffee and in reality she means if I don't get up and get out of bed she'll be doing this:
So there I was sitting at the table with coffee in front of me, thinking that this seriously could have waited another hour or two. As soon as that thought popped into my head I hear Anthony's bedroom door open and I realize that the longer I slept the earlier I'd hear "mom, mommy, mom, mommy, mom, mommy, listen to this, so mom, wait, mommy listen and so on! So now I'm up and trying to get as much caffeine in my system as I can before the little guy comes out for breakfast, which looked something like this:
So after a pot of coffee we decide to the let the kid out for breakfast. You'd swear we were holding him captive and giving him bread and water the way he comes out for breakfast! Seriously all we have to is say "Anthony break..." and you hear the kid throwing himself out of the bedroom, sprinting down the hallway that is literally 4 feet long and turning the corner like he's in the Indie 500! Of course he comes out rearing to go talking a mile a minute and at this point I'm like:
When clearly I wasn't, because let's face it it's too early to hear about what 9 year olds think are the most important things in the whole world. I have the unmistaken ability to be able to look at someone and nod when a nod should happen and answer when I should answer and have absolutely no clue what they're talking about, just ask my wife, she'll tell you. It's a gift. Now keep in mind that the girls were still sleeping at this point because they're allowed to sleep in on the weekends because..... get this.... "they get up early everyday"!
Now if that ain't some shit right there!
Friday was A Day of Silence and Alessandra, as well as her entire school took part to represent all the LGBTQ students that lose their voices due to bullying. My wife and I wanted to do the same and take an oath to stay silent for the day. However, as I mentioned many times before our little guy is running for Mayor with the fucking talking that he does! On that note, the vow for silence went right out the window within the first 10 minutes of the morning. So we wore red. I did explain to Anthony that a Day of Silence is important, because it shows support and taking a stand. So I duct taped his mouth shut for the rest of the night. Took a stand!
Oh stop it.. as if you all never thought about duct taping your kid to a wall or their mouths shut! That's why you read my blog because I actually say what you're all thinking! No shame in my game! That's how I roll!
Speaking of kids! Let's talk about the two furry children that neither sprouted from the wombs of our labor, who shall be named Teddy and Gia! These two think that OUR bedroom is theirs and solely theirs. At night Gia lays on the couch and waits for someone to come over and carry her princess ass to the bedroom, while teddy will dig profusely into the side of the bed for someone to pick him up and put him on the bed. Meanwhile I'm like be dogs and do dog things like sleep out in the living room and guard our house!
This brings me to intimacy with my wife. Now, any couple out there that has made the mistake of allowing their dogs to sleep with them can sympathize with the tricks you need to pull on the dogs, to get to the bedroom without them noticing. At times I feel like I've mastered my ninja skills getting from point A to point B without either of them noticing I left the room, I'm all like:
Just when I think I've made it... they're like "haha NO BITCH":
Then its back out to the living room to pretend that we're having family time and watching tv. I wait until they get comfortable and start to fall asleep and I'll actually say to my wife, "hun, you want anything from the kitchen" as I get up and walk towards the bedroom! But they're onto us, it's like they have a no-intamcy radar or something because they're like:
You selfish, needy animals!
I can't even cuddle with my wife at night because I have one dog in between us and one sleeping on top of my head breathing his hot dog breathe in my face all night...romantic right?! One morning I was sleeping and I felt these soft kisses on my cheek and I was thinking to myself "oooh she brought the dogs out and came back to the bed to cuddle with me". I rolled over and open my eyes and saw this:
So basically my dog tried to make out with me.