New Year Same Shit
Hello all you nosey people that like to read all about the shit shows that take place here in the Gaydy residence! Now when I say that, please know that I say that with all the love in my heart! Any who, I hope 2018 is treating you all well, because it's certainly treating me like a degenerate.
2018 has yet to stand up to the expectations that I had pictured in my head. Now I'm not sure if I really should have put all my expectations into 2018 being the best year ever, especially with the way I view things. I mean you guys read my blogs, you know how I view shit. Expectations for me every day is this:
In any event, with the last year ending like Mariah Carey's career and the new year entering, in came a house full of sick people! No shit, January 2, 2018, every single person in this house was sick. I ended up getting sick, which never happens, however being in an incubator of germs it was bound to happen. At first my wife told me to "will it away"! I'm sorry... do what? How the HELL are you going to will away microscopic germs running ramped inside my body like Black Friday at Walmart? Psssssh will it away...I'm still sitting here like:
Shortly after my wife telling me to "will it away", she got sick too! So I'll admit I was tempted to be like, "sooo um, how's that will power working out for you?" However, I'm not ashamed to admit that I am terrified of my wife when I say something stupid and I end up getting this look from her:
You all know when your wife is standing there giving you that up and down look, shit is about to get real! So I did the right thing and kept my mouth shut and gave her Mucinex and tea all day. As if the plaque of 2018 wasn't bad enough, we had a slight sitiation with the kitchen sink. Yes I said, "sitiation".. because that's exactly what it was! It was a Saturday morning and Tam and I woke up and I turn the faucet to hot to rinse out the coffee pot and nothing happened! At first I was like, why the hell do we not have water? Then I hear Bianca and Carlton say they had water from upstairs. So I turn the faucet to cold and we had cold water, but when I turned the faucet back to the hot water, we had no hot water. You all still following me? So this prompted me to check every sink in the house to see if there was hot water! Once I realized that the kitchen sink was the only sink that did not have hot water, this happened:
So first thing first, I made a pot of coffee, because lets face it nothing gets done without a pot of coffee being consumed. After the coffee I decided to fix the sink. This entailed me climbing under the sink and disconnecting the hot water line. I fought with connecting the line for a solid hour, only to determine that our pipe under the kitchen sink had frozen. So I tried googling how to unfreeze a kitchen sink pipe and came up with sticking my wife's hair dryer under the sink and positioning it with the bottles under the sink to directly aim it at the pipe! I ran that dryer for three hours and then all of a sudden we heard water from the faucet! Don't you believe that I walked around the house like:
However, as 2018 would have it, that dance didn't last too long when the sink decided to clog and fill up with water. So that "yea I did that, I fixed the problem" dance, quickly turned into this:
This "sitiation" literally became a 4 day event of Kris vs. the Kitchen sink. I was not going down without a fight! So every night I came home from work I fought with the sink. One night I was determined to win, that I took apart the entire sink. I realize now that this was a very bad idea on my part considering my bucket wasn't big enough and when I disconnected the pipes this happened:
No shit... it was like the gates of hell in water form opened up. I'm yelling for Tammy to get me a towel, the dogs are barking at me, the cats are trying to get under the sink all while I'm sitting in a puddle of water soaked from the waste down! My wife looks at me and goes, "well at least the water went down!" Of course it did hunny, it's now on our floor! So now I have the cats and the dogs drinking the water around me, like they don't have bowls of water all over the damn house, they have to be up in my business while I'm trying to slay the dragon! I have one cat ontop of the counter determined to kill me, by knocking the shit from under the sink off like:
I cleaned the pipes and put the sink back together and then ran out and got Drano in my wet pants, looking like I peed myself. I have no shame in my game, because:
Now, I'm sure you're all thinking that I finally fixed the sink. NOPE! This fucker was a fighter. So after a whole bottle of Drano Max the water still didn't want to go down. So at this point I'm standing at the sink like:
I took the plunger and plunged the shit out of the sink for an hour. No mercy. I showed that sink no-fucking-mercy! At this point my wife is sitting at the table and says "hunny I'm calling the plumber!" WHAT? Excuse me, you will do NO SUCH THING!!!!! Call a plumber
So on the final night of Kris v. The Kitchen Sink, I poured baking soda and vinegar down the sink. Now I will admit, I had a brief flashback to when I was a kid and had to make a volcano eruption in science class and used baking soda, food coloring and vinegar. Sorry I digress. Long story even longer it worked and the kitchen sink is now fixed. Bet your last dollar I walked around the house like:
As if 2018 couldn't have started off any worse between the plaque and the kitchen sink, we had yet ANOTHER sitiation. Let me briefly mention that I just took down our Christmas lights outside and our christmas tree and decorations inside the house are still up and I don't care!
Christmas day it was just Tam and I and the kids. However, in this family we do Christmas way into January! Last weekend we had our "family Christmas party", this is where my in-laws and the entire family come over and we do presents. My in-laws were spending the weekend with us, so we had to put the cats downstairs in the basement. Now I have to say that I did enjoy having a house with just two dogs running around, until the next morning when we had to go downstairs and bring the cats back up. You must be asking why? Well let me just tell you, I'm not one for leaving you all hanging with the suspenseful writing. We find all the cats EXCEPT for one! Now the finished part of the basement is one room, not that big, maybe the size of a living room. How does one loose a cat in a room with a door? Well naturally we do, because that's just what fucking happens here in the Gaydy house.
The girls are in a panic, which prompts a search team downstairs looking for Alessandra's cat, who at this point is probably thinking "I'm the best at hide-n-seek", because that's what cats think when their humans are in a panic trying to find them! So we search the whole room more than once. I look over and notice that the cover to the fuse box was down and immediately said "fuck"! Tammy is ready to call the fire department, Alessandra is crying, I'm pacing back and forth and Mikey comes out of his room with a hatchet like:
I know you all know what's coming next! Yes, a little impromptu home remodeling took place. I took down the paneling and Mike proceeded the hatchet the shit out of the sheet rock. Low and behold out comes Mila the missing cat! At this point I turn to Tammy and say, "you didn't like the paneling anyway, so we can scratch that off the list of things to do!"
Let's talk about the Christmas tree! Yes it's still up, no I don't have any urge to take it down because I feel that the cats destroyed it, so they should be responsible for taking it down. It is the saddest tree I've ever seen. All the branches are smashed together. Half the ornaments have become cat toys, the lights are barely hanging on the tree at this point. You know that tree is standing there thinking:
Well folks.. there ya have it! Happy fucking New Year and all that shit!