New Year, Same Gaydy Crazy
Did you all miss me? Happy New Year to everyone, hope everyone's holiday and New Year was nice. Ours was expensive. I know it's been a while since I last blogged and I always apologize but I generally don't mean the apology so I'm not going to do that this time.
So, I think we left off with Thanksgiving and the start of our Christmas shopping. You'll all be happy to know that we managed to finish our Christmas shopping the night before Christmas Eve. This was a huge victory for us. Usually we're shopping all of Christmas Eve day and then wrapping until 4am. Listen, Christmas shopping for the amount of kids we have is no easy task. At one point I wanted to call in the SWAT team for assistance. My wife has to get an app on her phone just to keep track of how many damn kids we have to shop for and who got what. Thank God for that App because half the time on Christmas Day, I'm like "when the hell did we get that?"
It's seems like every year we add one more kid to the list and to be honest, I'm trying to figure out where all these damn kids are coming from. This year we had the newest addition to our family, Mike's girlfriend who he gave a promise ring to. When I found out he got her a promise ring my initial reaction was:
Then I was like:
In all seriousness, she's very sweet, definitely the girl for him and we love her! However I did warn her that she would make an appearance and most likely would get roasted because that's just what I do. Welcome to the Family! Ooh, I do want to point out that I did in fact take part in the wrapping of the presents this year. Usually after I shop with my wife then I'm like, "MY JOBS DONE!" This year I really stepped it up and wrapped like 8 presents.
In case you're all wondering how the outside holiday decorations turned out, I'm happy to announce that the stars aligned in my favor and our porch light blew out right after Thanksgiving. Now this would have been an amazing turn of events for me if my wife didn't come up with the idea of running an extension cord from the inside of our garage to the lights outside, which of course prompted this reaction from me:
I'm still trying to figure out who tipped her off that we had an outlet in the garage? No way she knew that shit on her own! In any event she recruited Mike to get Theodore our giant teddy bear from the shed and all the decorations. Unfortunately, Theodore didn't make it to his second year of the Gaydy Light Show. Something got into our shed and ate his ear off and broke his arm. As soon as we told my wife that Theodore would not make an appearance, her response was less than pleasant
As if telling her about Theodore wasn't bad enough, I had to tell her that I couldn't find our Christmas projectors from last year. Man, that was brutal! Shit escalated quickly after that. It went from above to this in 2.5 seconds:
You all know what this meant right? I had to go out and buy NEW decorations to replace the missing decorations that I will probably find in the summer! Happy wife, happy life. Needless to say the decorations were up a few days after Thanksgiving like the wife had wanted.
Back to Christmas morning. So Christmas morning is always a shit show in our house. Tammy and I will get up organize the presents in piles by kids, then the kids wake up and come down and start putting their gifts out, which just defeats the nice OCD pile of gifts I have created. Then Anthony comes out and begs to open a present, the cats are trying to climb the tree, the dogs are confused and I generally just stand in the living room like this:
We're all about tradition here in the Gaydy house so Christmas morning starts out with a big Christmas breakfast that Tammy cooks. While breakfast is being prepared the kids open their stockings, we eat and then I hand out presents and collect garbage. One kid opens one present at a time, and so on until all the presents are done. As you can tell this process takes quite some time because we have 903840923 children. Once the last present is open, I'm usually like this:
All the kids were happy and surprised, so once again a successful Christmas that I still don't know how we pulled off!
The older kids really put some thought into the gifts for Tam and I too, which was nice. Mike bought me some really cool sneakers because I'm a sneaker head so that made me happy. Tammy got clothes which is what she really wanted, which blows my mind because you can't fit any clothes in her drawers to begin with but somehow she always needs clothes. Bianca and Carlton had gotten me a Google Home which I really wanted. I actually tried to buy it myself on several occasions while shopping for the kids. Lex, Mike's girlfriend got us Alexa, which is awesome because now we have one in the bedroom and one in the living room. All in all it was a good holiday. I ended up getting sick the Friday before New Year's Eve with the throat infection thing that my whole family had. I thought I was out of the woods because they all had it about a two weeks before Christmas.. but NOPE! So New Year's Eve was a quiet night home with the little ones. However, me being sick didn't stop Tammy from partying it up. She had herself two glasses of wine and turned into this:
Meanwhile I'm on the coach like:
Can we just talk about Google Home and Alexa for a second?! Alexa is a little abrupt and rude. She just comes on even when you don't say her name. Like stay in your lane bitch, no one was talking to you! I mean I can understand if you say something that sounds like Alexa and she comes on, but sometimes I just see lights circling and then she'll start talking and saying something like, "I don't know the answer to that". Then I find myself arguing with Alexa and being like, but I didn't ask you anything, so why you talking? Then she comes back with some smart ass comment, which naturally gets me like:
Then you got Google Home who wants to be all kinds of helpful. You can tell Google is a bit of an overachiever. It's like chill back Google, I see you, but I didn't ask you what the weather was, I just asked you to make sure my ass gets up in the morning. Then your like Google play soothing sounds and then all of a sudden some creepy possessed thing comes on yellin Shhhhhhhhh Shhhhhhhh SHhhhhhhhh Shhhhhhhhhhhh Shhhhhhhhhhh! First time I heard that shit, no lie I was like:
Hey Google, thank you for creepin me the fuck out, let's stick with the sound of rain.
So as you know Tammy and I have been in physical therapy together. Originally I was rehabbing my right knee and then I ended up tearing the meniscus in my left during a basketball game, which turned into both knees requiring rehab. Long story short my left knee isn't responding to therapy so I'm having surgery tomorrow on my left knee. However, the four weeks I was in therapy, I received a treatment called Russian Stimulation. Now we all know that anything with the word Russian in the beginning of it is going to be hardcore! Forreal this was the worst pain I have ever felt in my entire life, worse than labor. I legit felt like I was going to pop a child out of my quad every time this stim went off. Imagine a leg cramp or a foot cramp in your sleep and multiply that by like 10,000 and that's what Russian Stim feels like! It's meant to cause your quad to spasm and then during the spams you have to tighten your quad. This procedure goes for a minute, off for thirty seconds then back on for a minute and the whole thing lasts 10 minutes. At the end of the stim, I'm hunched over the table like:
On top of that they decided that "foam" rolling the spasms in my quad and I.T. band was another brilliant choice. Anyone that is in physical therapy knows that the "foam" roll is NOT FUCKING FOAM! It's like a tree truck wrapped in foam. There is nothing comfortable about this! My wife of course was riding the bike video taping me rolling and laughing so hard she wasn't making a sound! My physical therapist is like "come on 14 more", 14 more? I'm lucky if I can get 2 more done without popping a vein in my forehead! This is what foam rolling is suppose to look like:
This is what it looks like when I do it:
With that, I'm going to shove as much food into my mouth before midnight! Stay tuned for our Podcast this Friday!