Has anyone seen Meet the Fockers and Father of the Bride? If the answer is yes, then you are currently up to date on what is actually happening in this household two weeks before Bianca and Cj's wedding. Let me fill you in on what exactly has been going on! So the original wedding date was July of 2020, which we all knew wasn't happening. So Bee and CJ set a new date for March 29th, 2021. Well March certainly snuck up on us. One day we were all just enjoying quarantine and then all of sudden March was like:
Nothing like fucking March being March! Anyway, back to the story. So originally when we all thought the wedding was going to be in July, I figured as the other Mother of the Bride I should suck it up and wear a dress. I mean for our oldest son's wedding I wore a suit and looked like the grape Gilbert ate crossed with a 400 pound Joe Pesci. Not my finest fashion moment. Now if you know me, you know me wearing a dress is a BIG deal. So Me, Tam and the girls went shopping and I found one. I mean I'm not going to lie, I looked liked a little old italian lady. I legit looked like I belonged here:
I sucked it up though because it's our daughter. Now some things had transpired from the time I bought the dress, I went to my barber and had an undercut done and pierced my nose. So one day Bee came to me and said "I want to talk to you". At first I was like "oh great what did I do now?" Then she said, "I hate that dress and I want you to wear what you feel comfortable in." My initial reaction was:
Which quickly followed by:
I'm not even going to lie, I thought about burning that dress but then I was able to give it to Alessandra's Nonna, so I felt good about that. So now that I wasn't wearing a dress, the decision of a men's suit or a women's suit was the topic. I'm not telling ya'll what I'm wearing, you'll have to just wait and see but I will say when I tried on my suit I legit felt like this:
So here we are two weeks away from the big day and it is pure chaos! Every morning I wake up for work and check outside, I see this:
Bed Bath & Beyond has our address saved to their GPS! I bring the shit in and yell up "Delivery". I can't help throw in the occasional infamous movie line quote of:
Then once the boxes are opened the cats are all over here like:
Then we bring the deliveries downstairs to our once decluttered, organized basement, which now looks like Bed Bath and Beyond's inventory warehouse!
The last couple of weeks have been planning and more planning, scheduling and fine tuning details, seating charts, RSVP counts and fittings. Half the time I just sit there like:
Just tell me when I'm done paying!
Let's no forget the fact that everyone needs a new outfit for the Bridal Shower and a new outfit for the Rehearsal Dinner. Tam took care of the outfits for the Rehearsal Dinner because we all had our outfits for the shower since last year. Tam tells me she ordered me an outfit from H&M. Super sweet of her. Our outfits get delivered and here I am:
Needless to say they were returned for the correct size. I appreciate that she thought that quarantine didn't pack on a few pounds. Then the topic of conversation came up as to whether or not I was getting a mani/pedi came up. I'm not a mani/pedi gal.. considering my fingernails are extremely short and I don't like random people I don't know touching my feet. However, my wife and the girls all voted yes, so guess who's getting a pedi? That's right kiddos.... me and the excitement on my face speaks for itself:
Then for shits and giggles I tried on a pair of heels and walked around in the store, asking Bee and Tam how I was doing. The both of them were all like:
Meanwhile, I know DAMN WELL I look like this:
As if none of the above has not caused the slightest bit of stress and anxiety Anthony comes walking into our room one night after his shower and says, "Moms, there was thick black thing that looked like hair coming out of my chin, so I pulled it out". I turned around from my desk like:
DUDE! You realize its the start of a beard! You have a fucking beard growing at 13, I'll introduce to a razor instead of you plucking beard hairs out with your fingers!
I literally can't keep up with anything. I have reminders set, calendar entries set and even downloaded Google Assistant to make sure I don't miss the fucking wedding! I will tell you the EXACT reason why I have this many reminders... So February 28th was Bee's Bridal Shower and while the bridal party took care of decorating and setting everything up, the Moms were responsible for one thing... the cake. So the night before the Bridal Shower, I'm sitting in the living room and all of sudden I yelled "we forgot the fucking cake!!" I immediately text Tam who was getting a pedicure and say, "holy shit we forgot to get Bee's Bridal Shower cake", to which she responds "OMG, what are you going to do?" Oh I don't know.. run into the kitchen a whip up a fucking bridal shower cake? So here I am at 7:30p.m. the night before calling local bakeries telling them that I am horrible mother of the bride and forgot to order a cake. Finally I found a bakery that would do so THIS is why I need reminders set to every single device I own! Lord baby Jesus please pray for me these next few weeks! I wake up in the morning and stand in the bathroom mirror with my coffee and say to myself:
Two more weeks and we celebrate Mr. & Mrs. Wright!