Ok so not too bad this time...only a month or so has past since our last blog! Nevermind, it's bad! Anyway, can we just take a minute and acknowledge how fucking long the month of January was? What the hell was that all about? I mean usually once New Year’s Day hits months just fly by, but not January 2019. Oh no, that bitch was like:
Am I right?
If you recall in last month's blog, I was gearing up for knee surgery on my good knee that became my bad knee. Surgery went well, and all is fixed. Apparently at some point during my good ol' basketball days I had a tear in my ACL and didn't know it. So now I have ACL arthritis. Good times. Apparently I'm a hoot on anesthesia. According to my wife I turned into Pauly D after I woke up and was ready to go home, sitting in the wheel chair yelling:
Oh and according to my wife I wore my surgical paper hat out of the facility! Question? What is about the apple juice and snacks that they give you right after you wake up that literally tastes like a piece of heaven. It's like you wake up from the anesthesia and they give you the juice and snack and you're sitting in the bed half stoned like:
While we're on the topic of my knee surgery, can someone out there please explain to me what they hell they put in that prep solution that takes weeks to come off. I looked like I had a horrible spray tan on one leg for weeks. No lie my left leg looked like it belonged on Trump's body. I resorted to using one of those pumice stones and figured I could scrub the skin off. No such luck. Finally after a few weeks it wore off, but damn, can we use a more washable solution next time?!
So if you don't know, now you know, I coached our son's 3rd through 5th grade rec basketball team. It was quite the challenge for me because I'm used to dealing with just the short attention span of our son, this time I had 11 of them. Here I am trying to teach them fundamental basketball and they're all doing this:
Annnnnnnnnnnd of course this:
Meanwhile I'm trying to remember that I'm coaching 3rd through 5th graders and not high school kids but there were certainly times were I ended up like this:
Now dammit stop Fortnite dancing and pay attention! You all want to be Fortnite dancing while I'm teaching basketball. Last time I checked your mommas' didn't pay for you to dance! Needless to say we didn't win a game all season long and there were times were I looked like this at our games:
While our son, the oldest on the team was pulling Bobby Knight shit like:
I have to say, while it was a very long season, but I love those little guys and they really did improve throughout the season, so overall it was a winning season.
There has been a lot going on since the last blog. I'm venturing into a new career, something that I have wanted to do for a very long time so I'm super excited about getting started. However, with a lot going on it only makes sense that our entire house would get his with the stomach flu!
Now it started with our youngest son on Sunday morning when he starting throwing up all day. Which prompted my wife to run around all day Sunday doing this:
Which clearly didn't work, because Sunday night I started to feel like shit and my stomach wasn't being my friend at all, by early Wednesday all hell broke lose. My wife wakes me up at 4 am and tells me that she's been throwing up since 2 am and she needs a bucket because with her back she can't keep bending over or down to the toilet. I get up to get a bag for the bucket and I walk out into the hallway and there stands our 15 year old stark ass naked looking for a towel. My reaction to waking up at 4am after having my battle with the porcelain god to get my wife a bag only to walk out and see our 15 year old stark naked:
I looked at her and said, "what the hell are you doing? Why are you in the hallway ass naked at 4am in the closet!" She starts that 15 year old whine (you all know what that sounds like if you have a teenage girl) and replies "Mommmmmmmmy, I just threw up all over my bed and I can't find a towel". Meanwhile, my wife is yelling from the bedroom, "Kris hurry up, I feel like I'm going to throw up!" So at this point I tell her to go put on a robe, I'll get the towel, which was downstairs in the dryer. I opened the door to go downstairs to grab the towel and the bag and the friggen cat ran down. So here I am at 4am, feeling like complete shit, holding a bag and a towel trying to catch a fucking cat! I kind of looked like this:
Meanwhile the cat is all like:
I throw the towel to Alessandra whose now in a robe (thank the lord), drop the cat on the couch, bring the bag into the room for my wife and she goes, "I need a bucket". Of course, how could I forget the bucket. I run into Anthony's room forgetting that the poor kid was even in there, turn on the light and grab the bucket (which was clean by the way), bring it back to Tammy. I put the bag in the bucket handed it off and said, toss away. Meanwhile after all of this, I am now laying in bed like:
Thankfully we are all back to normal....well, I wouldn't say normal!