Happy Monday all you wonderful people out there! Hope you had a great weekend and your Monday wasn't too bad!
Someone once told me that in order to fly you must throw yourself at the floor and miss. Yea well, I took their advise and fell......flat on my face.....on the floor. So there goes that theory on flying! Disappointing. I really wanted to fly too! Ah well, I probably would have had the same experience if I flew United! Too soon? Ah well, fly the friendly skies!
This past weekend we got to meet the girl Mike is dating. We really like this one because Mike is just his weird self with her right off the bat. So we decided on Saturday night to turn our living room into a karaoke club. Hell, I figured we all can't sing anyway so it would be fun to make complete asses out of ourselves. Well, Mis Lauren debuted and I swear for a minute it was like I had Celine Dion, Adele and Christina Aguilera up in this bitch! The first note this chick belted out had us all like:
I felt like I was standing behind that friggen engines of a 727 getting ready to take off! Clearly that plan of us ALL not knowing how to sing went in the shitter quickly. In any event I think we may have broken her vocal cords by the end of the night. She is definitely a keeper for our son. However, I will say that she broke the toilet paper holder in our bathroom. How do I know this? I know this because I heard a big clank followed by a "SHIT!" Uh huh... that's right. Miss "I Can Sing Every Damn Thing" done broke the toilet paper holder. Now you know when she was in the bathroom and that holder fell off the cabinet, she was like:
You all know she came walking out of the bathroom like:
Girl, we heard the clank followed by the "SHIT!" Just come on out! Naturally I had to welcome her to the family by calling her out on breaking shit in the house. She handled my sarcasm pretty well and gave it right back. Which is very uncommon because usually I'm the one dishing it out so, she she had me like:
So there ya go, Lauren makes her debut in the Gaydy Blog. I warned her. I told her anyone that comes through that front door or anything or anyone inside of this house is automatic material. I swear I thought I saw her square up with me and give me a look like:
Long story short, which is probably too late, so get over it, but I have a feeling we'll be seeing a lot of more of Lauren.
Fun fact about us Gaydy moms.... we hate bugs. Yes, as butchy as I am, if I see any type of insect I will scream like a queen and jump on top of the table until Mike comes and removes whatever it is that has violated my personal space. We're not the only ones, Bianca and Ale will scream to the high heavens if they see a bug as well. Poor Mike, he's become our exterminator. Anyway, the other day Bianca came in and a moth was on her. She felt it because she started screaming about a moth attacking her. Alessandra knocked it to the ground as she was screaming too. If I wasn't so tired I think I might have just joined in on the screaming. So picture the girls flailing their arms and screaming trying to kill a moth. Can you picture it? No? Let me help:
There's Mike standing all calm calling this creature "buddy". I'm sorry, but this prehistoric thing has come into our home and is attacking your sister and you're standing there all calm and saying "come here little buddy, I got you. I'll save you!"
Take your "buddy" and walk him to the door and while your walking him to the door you can sing:
"My buddy. My Buddy. Everywhere I go, he goes.
My buddy. My Buddy. Everywhere I go, he goes.
My buddy and me like to climb up a tree
My buddy and me are the best friends that could be!
My buddy (My buddy) My buddy (My buddy)
My buddy and me!".
And leave your buddy out-the-hell-side! We have enough damn animals in this house, you're buddy can't stay! As if Mike's new found moth friend isn't enough he tells me wants a pocket possum because they're legal where we live. Mike of course shows Bianca a picture and now Bianca wants one too. Which leaves me sitting at the table thinking I know I'm a little batshit but you all lost ya damn minds! They both look at me and smile thinking I'm going to say yes like I did to the 7 friggen cats, but this look magically appeared on my face:
I don't even have hair long enough to throw back like that so you know that pocket possum idea was shut down! Go to Toys R Us and get yourselves a fake ass pocket possum...mamma ain't playing no more with these damn animals!
Well there ya have it! Yet another fun filled adventure with the Gaydy Bunch Family! Everyone have a great weekend and we'll see you back on Sunday!