Happy Mother's Day to all you fabulous mothers out there and to all the dads doing the daddy and mommy thing! We'll get back to the Mother's Day celebrations later on. Let's get you all caught up with us this past week. I suppose I should announce that Tammy and I are grandparents! I mean we were already grandparents to our catildren (our daughters' cats), however we have once again became grandparents! He's a tiny little fellow. Our son Mike has become the proud father to Avocado, the Bearded Dragon! Yes, Tammy and I now have a grantile! As if we didn't have enough species in this house, we now added reptiles to the mix.
I have to say, I was never a big fan of reptiles, but this little guy is pretty cool. He just hangs out under a heat lamp. Mike asked if I wanted to feed him, so initially I was like yea and then he held up a box of fucking crickets. My "yea" quickly went to "helllllllll no and why are there insects in my house"? Of course Mike had to explain to me that they eat live crickets and worms. Which of course just prompted this reaction:
Listen I know this thing is like a relative of Jurassic park, but can't we make him vegan? Vegan is the new thing now.. everyone's doing it, reptiles should not be exempt from trying new things. A little kale for example.. shit I've been eating that crap for lunch for the past 5 months! In any event, I refuse to feed him. I'm not sympathetic to insects, however when you're staring at a box of happy crickets, cricketing around having no idea they're about to get eaten by a lizard you kinda feel bad for the little fuckers. Put yourself in their shoes, not that they actually wear shoes, but that would be pretty cute. Sorry I digressed with that image in my head of crickets in shoes. Anyway, back to my point. So imagine you're a cricket and your just cricketing around minding your own business and this giant human hand pinches you up and takes you away from your cricket friends and throws you in this tank. At first you might think, "oh this is nice! There's grass, little cacti, a tree branch and a pool of water, I'm HOME!" Then out of no where a tongue comes flying at you and you're dead. Most of you are probably reading this and looking like this:
Thinking that I have officially lost my damn mind, while some of you might actually see where I'm coming from and look like this:
To each is own, I suppose, but ponder that for a moment! Moving on...
So I recently aquired a second job. I'm excited! It's a few hours every night working at my son Mike's job. I'm not sure if I'm excited about bringing in extra money or the fact that I get to torment Mike while working with him and getting paid to do it. It's a toss up I suppose! Mike work's at Pep Boys, so I'm the newest Pep Boyyyyyyyya! Mike's manager skipped the whole process and offered me a job and an hourly rate. Mike said that I started out making more than he did when he first started there. My response was quite simple.. "You see the importance of a college degree?" Now that message can go either way. It can be taken as, "well, you have a college degree and have $30,000 in student loans only to have to take a night job because your degree isn't worth what you're actually worth!" It could also be taken as, "you have a college degree so you skip minimum wage but you're still gonna need a part time job on top of your full time job because living is fucking expensive". I do the mom thing really well!
So interesting little fun fact here... did you know that they did away with peeing in a cup for a drug test for new hires? Now they test your hair. When the manager told me that I thought it was cool because peeing in a cup is never fun you always manage to pee on your hand. Anyway I went to get my hair tested and at first I was intrigued with how this would happen until the bitch brought out scissors. My response to her holding scissors was pretty much like this:
She ended up cutting three sections of my hair. What the hell is that? Wasn't one enough?! Which brings me to the next topic.
With our oldest getting married this coming weekend, my wife told me that she has a hair appointment. So naturally I said, well I'm going get mine cut right before. She literally told me that the last hair cut I got made me look like I "was ALL face". I'm not even sure that the hell that means? How do you have all face when you get a haircut? Her explanation was this: "you had face and then skin, which made you look like you had all face."
So the time when I came home, thinking my new cut, fade and shape up was on point, she was thinking I was nothing but face. She then goes on to tell me that when she met me I had shoulder length hair, and I keep going shorter and shorter. From that she went on to tell me that eventually she'll be married to Pitbull. Good to know. So just to inform you all, I will not be getting a hair cut before our son's wedding. Mostly because my wife said so, but also because I don't want to be this person at our son's wedding:
I mean, no one realllllly wants to be that one at a wedding, especially your own kids' wedding.
So let' talk about Mother's Day shall we? Ahhh, waking up to the smell of coffee brewing, a knock on the door with breakfast served in bed by our slew of children, the cat litter cleaned and the floors swept.... yea NOPE! My wife and I woke up to coffee from the night before, fighting with the Keurig to read the k-cup while the coffee was brewing. She cleaned the litter while I lectured the dogs on learning how to shit outside instead of on a wee-wee pad. Only to sit down by ourselves at the table while the kids were asleep staring at each other like "where the hell all our damn kids go?" They were all trying to play that "oh my god, I slept late, we meant to get up early" game. Mmmmmhmmmm!
So after my wife and I had some coffee, we took OURSELVES to the grocery store to pick up some things for OUR Mother's Day BBQ, only to come home and have to cook OUR celebratory dinner and then when that was over, WE got to clean up all the dishes from OUR Mother's Day BBQ. That's okay... Tammy and I get to enjoy and relax on Father's Day!
I will say that our daughter's really do go above and beyond for us every year for mother's day. They usually make us something really cute that has a bunch of selfie's of themselves in it and make us an amazing breakfast. This year they threw us off and when we went out to the grocery store they made us fresh coffee and pancakes and bought us a gift. We got gifts from the boys too. No cooking involved tho. We'll have to work on that for next year.
We hope all of you enjoyed your mother's day. Feel free to share your mother's day with us in the comment section below!
Until next time Team Gaydy...............