This is very unlike me to be blogging so much. However with yesterday being National Sandwich Day and finding out that TODAY is National Candy Day I decided that a sarcastic rant from yours truly was in order. I had no idea that today was National Candy Day until I signed onto twitter. Thank you baby Jesus for social media or I would have absolutely no clue what’s going on in the world! Don’t get yourselves excited over a day honoring sugary, teeth-rotting goodies because November 4th is NOT solely dedicated to candy. Uh huh, yep it’s true… November 4th is also National Jersey Friday, which apparently you’re suppose to wear a “jersey”. Shit! Welp there goes that celebration because I’m wearing a 3 button collared shirt, there’s always next year!
Today, is also National Stress Awareness Day. Today you’re supposed to identify and reduce stress factors in your life! Like I actually needed a day annually to identify my stresses? Every day is National Stress Awareness Day for me, 24-7 baby. Clearly the National Day Calendar deciding people don’t know what goes on inside the Gaydy House or how many children and animals we have? Seriously, have they not read the past blogs? Do they not hear the condescending tone to my writing? Whose in charge of making National Days anyway? Okay I’ll play along with this one. First let me identify my stresses. Got it! Okay my stress are parenting, work, bills, mortgage, adulting, dogs, cats and children! Now, reduce the stress factors in my life. Ummmmm okay got that too– I quit, I am now going to color for the rest of my life, I’m not paying bills or mortgage, definitely done adulting, hey kids get the hell out time to be independent, buy one dog get the second free and 7 cats for a bottle of Jack Daniels. DONE!
November 4th is also National Chicken Lady Day! Okay I’ll admit, when I first saw this on the National Day Calendar (YEEEEESSSS there’s really such a thing) I was super excited until I clicked on it and read what it actually is. The name is quite deceiving and I will gently break your hearts because mine was shattered rather quickly. No, it is not a day where ladies celebrate by doing the chicken dance all day long! Apparently National Chicken Lady Day is honoring some female doctor who spent 12 years working for the largest chicken restaurant in the world as the Director of Community Relations and Training (I wish you all could see my face right now as I typed that). It kind of looks like this:
I’m not even sure how to react to National Chicken Lady Day. Actually, I lied. Sad, I feel sad. I want a National Day dammit! I have a wife, 5 kids, 2 dogs and 7 cats and haven’t managed to end up in a straight jacket or on a talk show like Maury or Jerry Springer, haven’t lost a kid, I mean a dog or a cat… can a sista get a fucking day?!
In case you all want to keep up to date on the National Days so you’re not left out of the loop, here’s the link for the National Day Calendar. Makes a great gift idea too
National Day Calendar
Anywho… so don’t forget to spend today honoring candy, the fucking chicken lady and identify and reduce your stresses!