Ahhh the Eve before a new decade! What a better way to end a decade than with a blog. Just so you all know, ten years ago I decided to start a blog about the craziness of a blended family and raising 5 kids of all different ages. Here we are 10 years later still blogging and definitely still a lot of craziness! I never expected the following we have on the blog and on our social media pages, so thank you to all of you who have been with us since the beginning and welcome to the new ones... buckle in, it's always a bumpy ride... kinda like this:
So we managed to make it through another Christmas with the bunch, which from previous blogs you all know is no easy task! I'll take you back to the end of November. For all that read the last blog, yes I ended up putting the Christmas decorations up right after Thanksgiving, as my wife had insisted. I don't know why I bother fighting her on this, she always wins and then she looks at me like:
To make my losing my point on waiting even worse, she picked out new outside decorations to add to our collection. Not just any decorations, oh no! She picked out Minnie and Mickey because what's Christmas, or any day for that matter, without Disney. So there I was in the dark, rainy, cold weather with my cell phone flashlight putting up a Minnie, Mickey, three Disney strobe lights, along with the other outside decorations the weekend after Thanksgiving. Decorating outside is not for the weary... especially when you have absolutely no outside outlets. Let's just say there are about 7 extension cords all over the yard, so if you had to walk on our lawn, I suggest walking like this:
Minnie Mouse just doesn't want to stay standing up. I love how Disney will charge you $89.95 for a 2 foot decoration and give you two stakes to use to keep the bitch in the ground. Come on Disney... two stakes? Every morning I'd wake up and see Minnie face down that I finally went out and bought a pack of 20 stakes. I think at this point I have 15 stakes in her. I see you Disney... you can do better! So when we were shopping for outside decorations, my wife saw a new pre-lit Christmas tree she wanted, since our pre-lit became unlit because of the asshole cats. This tree was seven and a half feet tall and covered in that fake white snow shit. She fell in love with the tree. I was looking at the tree thinking "well shit, this tree is certainly going to mess with my OCD!" Then I started thinking, "well if the cats go in the tree, I'll be able to find the culprit because they will be covered in fake white snow!" SOLD.. I couldn't wait to put that bad boy up!
When we came home with it, I showed it to all the cats and spoke to each one of them and said, "go ahead fuckers.... try me this year, I'll know it's you... you'll be forever marked with fake snow to show your sneaky selves! My wife looked at me like this:
I mean that's usually her normal reaction to me whenever I do or say something, so no shocker there! So I decided to put the tree up while her and the girls went out to pick up some things. I opened the box and the first thing I said was, "where the fuck is all the snow like it shows on the picture?" Instead of fake snow, it had glitter on it. Yes I know every gay person's dream, but not mine! Half the glitter ended up in a dust pan than on the actual tree! When the cats saw the tree up minus the white snow, they all sat around looking at me like this:
I know they were totally judging me... assholes! So the first night the tree is up and we're in bed and I hear cats being cats and I get up and go check the tree and low and behold three of them were in the tree! So from that point on we douse the tree in straight lemon juice and banned one of the cats from staying downstairs at night! This tree just might make it another year!
Remember how I said that Tammy takes Christmas lists very seriously? Yea well that shit went out the window this year! She resorted to the good old fashion hand written lists this year. Which I suppose is fine if you don't have 7 children to shop for, so that didn't last very long either! At one point I think she did this:
We attempted to shop in malls I think twice and at the end of those two trips, we both looked like this when we got home:
Strangely, the malls and stores weren't crowded like we've been use to so we got hip and started online shopping. I'm not sure what's worse... I haven't decided yet. See when you go out to the stores, you just have a bunch of bags every where, but when you online shot, now you have a bunch of boxes every where. The UPS guy would come every day, we were all on first name basis, the kids now call him Uncle. I remember one day he came and said, "well I have 17 packages for you today!" This was the norm all the way up to Christmas Eve! Some days were 10, some were 11, some were 17, some were 2. Eventually every room looked like this:
It felt like we were constantly doing this:
Naturally the cats were all like:
I actually feel bad for our recycling guy. Like I want to hug him when I see him and apologize.
So naturally with all the boxes coming we had to go through all of them, check off what came, see what still hadn't arrived and flagging and unflagging emails. Tammy did have a brilliant idea of wrapping every night after a delivery so that we (and by we I mean her) weren't wrapping last minute like every year. After wrapping we'd bring them downstairs and put them in piles for each kid and then count and make sure all the kids were even with the amount of gifts. It was a vicious, vicious cycle. I don't think I have ever counted so much and so many times in my entire life than I did the last couple of weeks before Christmas.
I had actually finished shopping for Tammy the first time we went to the mall! I had my A Game on. I was super excited that I finished shopping for her all by myself without any help from our daughters. Then as we were opening packages, I would look at something and be like "who's this for baby?" That's when Tammy would say, "oh that's for me from you and I ordered 4 more things!" I'd just stare at her and be like:
I'm totally joking about the reaction...! Basically she had more presents for me, so I said make it even and she shopped for herself because lets face it, I was playing Xbox and was over shopping.
Christmas Eve and morning was amazing and the kids were happy with all their presents. Now, it wouldn't be a true Gaydy Christmas if some unexpected shit happened, right? Well here it comes... Christmas night everyone started feeling like shit and long story short, the whole house gothic with the flu! It started with Bianca, then Michael, then Tammy and I, then our oldest son and daughter-in-law and wrapping it up was Carlton! The day after Christmas Tammy and I were knocked out with fevers basically like this:
At one point, our daughter Bianca had come in our room to check on us because it was 5pm and we were still sleeping. We woke up to, "meow hey, are you guys dead!" Nope, not yet, but it certainly felt like we were. You'll all be happy to know that we all survived, not only Christmas but the flu! On that note, The Gaydy Bunch wishes everyone a happy, healthy and blessed 2020!