Well here we are... Sunday evening and yes, we've managed to continue to keep it interesting in the Gaydy Household. Let's first start with end to last weekend, where my wife thought that it would be a good idea to take me food shopping with her. I hate food shopping.. it's extreme torture. She knows this. I mean you're walking aimlessly around a store, up and down isles, pushing a cart that never rolls smooth, with crowds of people, then standing in long lines, just to take out all the shit you put in the cart onto a conveyor belt, is not my idea of fun. I think I'd rather take a pencil to the eye than go food shopping. That's a little harsh.. no, no, I stand by my taking a pencil in my eye than going food shopping.
So my wife tells me that we're done food shopping and we can head to the line and I immediately do this:
Sorry to whoever got the broken box of cereal, but I was overcome with joy! That euphoria feeling of hearing this words "head to the line" was quickly ripped away from like taking candy from a baby when I saw the checkout line. Listen, it was a Sunday, you have a mob of people what's the point of only having 4 registers open when I clearly see you have 14? I'm sorry, but they're closed for what? Renovations? Candy stocking? What? You grocery store, you have absolutely NO reason other than making people stand in line wanting to do this:
So we finally make it to the front of the line and my wife starts instructing me on the order in which the groceries are suppose to go on the belt. For example, heavy things first, then frozen food, then cold items, then toiletries, and so on. Is this a thing? When did this become a thing? Just throw the shit on the belt and let's keep it moving. My wife's response isthat if you put the items in that order then the bags are organized and it's easier to unpack. I watched as the cashier put the items in the bag and it was definitely NOT in the order that we put them on the belt, so:
So after I clearly made my point, my wife's response was "remind me to never take you food shopping with me again", with this look:
Welp at least I get out of going food shopping now!
So Thursday my wife had texted me that she wanted to do something fun and different with the kids on Friday night. So of course I agree, because that's exactly what you should do! So she found this outdoor showingof Beauty and The Beast. The key word here is OUTDOOR. Now let's just forget for a moment that we've seen Beauty and The Beast about a thousand times and discuss the fact that this was outside! Kris doesn't do the outdoors. Kris doesn't like bugs of any kind. However, I am not one to disappoint the wife and kids and geared up for the outdoor festivities. So we had a blanket and picked up food on the way. In my head I was thinking, "this is cute it's like an outdoor picnic at night". Then when we laid the blanket down and I sat down and had a sharp object, some weird acorn with spikes, stabbed me right in the ass. Once that happened, that thought in mind quickly turned into:
So I managed to readjust my ass on the blanket and started eating my food I brought and then it happened! The fucking mosquitos came out like gang busters and starting biting me left and right. So here I am trying to adjust sitting on the ground surrounded by the creatures of the earth, eating and all I'm doing is this:
I mean what's a few 100 mosquitos bites anyway? Take one for the team right? All in all it was a pretty cool experience and the girls had fun so that's all that really matters.
Saturday we spent the day out and about and the headed to my sister-in-laws for a night of music, dancing and laughs. This is where it gets interesting. We get home around 1:30 in the morning and around 1:45 a.m. I hear the girls calling for me to come up because their toilet is clogged.No problem! Up the stairs with the plunger I go. As I'm plunging their toilet I hear my wife screaming my name from downstairs. So I respond with "I'm a little busy plunging hunny." With that she screams something and my daughters hear and say, "mom said the water is coming through the ceiling. Which immediately prompted this reaction from me:
I run downstairs to see our hallway with a nice size puddle of water and our light fixture looking like a lovely fishbowl with a light bulb floating around. At this point, I'm staring up at the light thinking, "how many beers are left in the refrigerator"? Then I remembered that there was one, which clearly wasn't going to be enough to deal with this shit show. So my wife is in the living room telling me that a fire is going to break out, which prompts our girls to start figuring out an escape route and how their going to gather all the cats up and get them to safety. Meanwhile, I'm standing on a chair trying to dismantle the light fixture to drain the water. No worries fam, if I get electrocuted you got my life insurance! No need to worry about me, I'm all goooooood!
I saw this all going down pretty bad, so I went downstairs and cut the main breaker and Mike (because he's taller people) got up on the chair as I'm holding my cell phone flash light instructing him how to take down the fixture. At the same time my wife decides NOW would be the perfecttime to light a candle. Long story short, we got the fixture off, the water drained and we stayed up until 4 in the morning convincing the girls that no fire would start and that they and the animals would be safe.
Which brings me to today! Sunday I spoke with our plumber and he was coming this afternoon to "assess" the situation. So I'm work and I get this text message from my wife saying they had a "situation at home". I immediately start panicking because I'm thinking more water was leaking or something else happened in the house. So I text her back and say "what situation?" She doesn't respond, so I grab my phone and go outside my office and call in a panic only to hear about this:
A fucking black caterpillar in the kitchen! Yep, I had a friggen heartachoke over a friggen caterpillar! A cute little fuzzy thing that turns into a beautiful butterfly! According to my wife and kids the caterpillar was "head banging" and this caused the situation! My reaction:
Well there ya have it, and so the adventures continue! Until next week.....