Now that I have had time to fully recover from my Jury Duty experience, we’re back to our regularly schedule program of me bantering about the kids and animals. Let me first start off by saying that our dogs are complete and total assholes! They hate each other and because they hate each other, all they do is grapple like they’re fighting for the friggen furweight belt of the UFC! I’ve tried to put them in timeout but that hasn’t proven effective yet. I’ve even sat them down and tried to explain that they are brother and sister and they should be loving each other. No such luck with that either. So my response to the dogs are:
I’d also like to mention that we now officially own stock in Sally’s Beauty Supply! I’m totally joking but to be honest I expect a check from them at the end of year. Alessandra decided that she wanted to go a little more drastic than the burgundy hair she already had, to a “pinky purple”. Bianca decided that she was going to do an “ombre” effect from dark to light. Now, me being me, I actually had to google the word ombre to understand what in the world of beauty they were talking about. Now after Bianca dyed her hair, we went to bed. We were woken up in the morning by a knock on the door. In comes the girls and Alessandra’s hair was a cross between fuscia and orange. My wife was trying to discuss what the solution to fixing the color would be with the girls, while I’m sitting up in bed like:
The color of hair damn near scared the sleepers out of my eyes!
Back to Sally’s we went for more color. Now this is where it gets interesting. Somehow we’re there for color for Alessandra and the girls convince me to dye my hair Shark Blue and Tammy decides that she wants to dye her hair pink and blonde. At this point I’m wondering if we’re starting a circus or forming a punk band! Anthony jumps into the mix and wants his hair dyed shark blue ONLY if it looks good after “mommy does it”. Smart kid, smart kid. Wait until the experiment is over and see the outcome before agreeing. Here’s the long and short of it, after 12 tubes of dye, Alessandra now has a Strawberry Shortcake look to it. My hair is NOT shark blue, it was dark navy and my wife decided not to become Nicki Minaj and stuck to going blonde!
Have no fear, a week later and we’re still playing Beauty School. Tammy decided the blonde was “too blonde” and wanted light brown highlights, so here we are Super Bowl Sunday, after Gaga’s performance (naturally), with Tammy getting light brown highlights put in. Bianca announces that there’s dye left over and who else wants their hair dyed. She looks at me with those daughter eyes and suddenly I’m sitting in a chair getting my hair dyed light brown. Michael wants to join in on the fun so Bianca died his buzzed head and sideburns light brown and Carlton died the hair on his knuckles light brown. I think the fumes have finally gotten to everyone in this house! Meanwhile everyone is sitting around like:
So here we are for the I don’t know how many days in, and we’re still dying hair. My wife decided that the light brown wasn’t light enough so now she’s back to sitting with bleach in her hair to lighten the light brown. Does that make sense to anyone? It certainly doesn’t make sense to me. If it’s LIGHT brown, why would you need to lighten it? Not to mention, why would they sell something LIGHT brown, that clearly doesn’t come out light brown? All I know is that Sally’s needs to make me part owner! I also know that: