A few months ago we were asked by a dear friend to send a message to a little boy named Lio.
Lio is a brave 4 year old boy who is currently battling brain cancer. Lio’s parents just learned that the cancer has come back and the tumor has grown. Lio will have to endure yet another year of Chemo. We ask that everyone who reads this blog to please go and click on the link below and like Lio’s Facebook page.
The Gaydy Bunch, along with Lio’s friends and family ask for your help! Please like his page and leave him positive video messages so that his Christmas is a little brighter.
Pay it forward!
The Gaydy Moms
Before you all start busting chops that I haven't blogged in a while LET ME JUST TELL YOU WHERE THE HELL I WAS!!!! I was in the middle of the fucking woods. Yep, you read that right! In the middle of the woods, smack dab right in the middle of a forrest. I'm not pulling the over dramatic blogger card either. I should probably take this opportunity to explain why I was in the middle of Red Riding Hoods' area of expertise. Three weekends ago, my wife had told me that our oldest son and daughter-in-law invited us to their house upstate for the weekend. I figured it would be a nice little get away to spend some time with our son and his new wife and to see their home.
We left Friday after work and drove 4 hours upstate. Now when we got closer to their house, the service went out, the roads became darker. I went to look out my window at the scenery and damn near swerved off the road because I saw myself staring back at me in the window! During the drive we saw the normal signs that said "Horse Crossing, "Falling Rocks" and then we saw a sign that legit looked like this:
Yea, that's a new one for me too! In any event, we pull down their road and we see them standing in the road. I looked at Tammy and said, "why the hell are they waiting out in the 9 degree cold?" Well, let me tell you why. They informed us that we were to follow the dirt path and park next the red car and they would meet us at our car with a toboggan to bring in our bags. When I heard toboggan, this immediately popped into my head:
I wasn't exactly sure why a toboggan was needed until I realized that there was a 3 minute walk from the car to their house down the dirt road. They have such an adorable house, but it literally looked like someone took a bulldozer, cut down all the trees in a circle in the middle of a forrest and placed their house. We had a nice weekend spending time with our oldest son and daughter-in-law and relaxing. I even got to pretend to star in my own Blair Witch project every time I went out to vape. It kind of looked like this:
Only I was running around on their deck. No way in hell was I stepping off their deck, I know how that movie ended!
So after a nice relaxing weekend of fun we came home to the joys of starting Christmas shopping for the tribe of children we have. Have no fear, my wife had a plan. She created a board on Pinterest and added everyone to it, so they could pin what they wanted, including her and I. This may sound like a brilliant plan and effective way to get a list from your kids and to see what your spouse pins, however the board now has a total 900 pins. I was pinning stuff, but it kept getting lost in the slew of pins for faux fur coats, faux leather pants, over sized sweaters, a million different kinds of shoes and hipster clothes, that I literally had to create my own damn board. Seriously, in order for me to see exactly what I pinned, I had to do this:
Creating my own board was much more effective for me to pin all things possible relating to sharks!
The following week the packages starting coming! Now, I'm not sure when Tammy decided to start the shopping, but she was on her A-game with the ordering. At one point it literally looked UPS threw up in our bedroom. In order for me to get my clothes out for work in the morning I had to pretend I worked for Fed-Ex:
I literally spent 30 minutes of cardio just removing boxes out of my way, repositioning so they didn't fall and then putting them back in my way so I didn't get yelled at for trying to "peek" at my presents! Peek at my presents? There were at least 30 boxes that were all friggen in brown UPS or White Fed-Ex boxes, how the hell am I going to peek?!
So after we finally ran out of room in our bedroom, my beautiful wife decided it was time we start wrapping presents. Yep, there's nothing like wrapping Christmas presents while playing Christmas carols in November! Oh and by "we" she meant me! So I bribed Bianca with sushi and chocolate to help wrap presents with me, because I hate wrapping and I hate Christmas carols. So here I am trying to convince my wife to just leave things unwrapped as good ol' St. Nick would have done back in the day, while Bianca was like:
Meanwhile, I'm sitting on the floor like:
What? One out of eight wrapped and read-to-go! Carlton had come up with an idea of bringing up the folding table from downstairs that way our backs wouldn't hurt and we could create a production line. Oh what a wonderful idea? Now I've become a fucking elf! So now we had this whole thing going on in the living room:
After 2-3 hours, all the presents were wrapped, put downstairs in kid order and I was caroled out! By the end of the evening I was like:
This past Wednesday we took a break from everything and my wife and kids had planned out a celebration for my 39th birthday! I got a shark cake, just saying! I spent the night playing Just Dance with all the kids while my wife recorded almost every embarrassing dance move I made. You can check some of them out in our Bonus Feature section.
So as quickly as our room emptied out, was as quickly as our room filled back up with more deliveries. Somehow, my wife convinced me to venture out on Black Friday to finish up the shopping for the kids. I have two rules on Black Friday if I'm forced to go out shopping and my wife knows this far too well. First, I don't do malls. Secondly, if you go for something I'm going for, I'm taking you out. I don't care who you are, how old you are, I will be like this just to get what we need:
Needless to say, my wife chose the outlets as the choice of shopping on Black Friday to spare us some bail money. Seriously it doesn't matter WHERE you go on Black Friday the whole damn state looks like this:
Finally after about 4 hours ducking, dodging, tripping and tackling people, we finished our shopping. I'm just kidding, there was no tackling. Saturday morning I slept in a little, my wife woke me up to have some coffee. Here I am thinking that I'll have two days to relax before the work week starts. During coffee, she turns to me and said, "So, I'm thinking we'll get ready in about an hour, head out to get the tree and some more decorations and then put the tree up, what do you think?" What do I think......, I thought this:
BUT, instead I simply looked over her after I sipped my coffee like:
Out amongst the crazy we go.. yet again. We bought a new pre-light 7 and 1/2 foot tree, some inside decorations and new outdoor decorations. Now keep in mind I don't have a single outlet outside of my house, so every year I manage to Griswald our house up by wiring everything into the porch light. I tried to take control over the outside decoration by getting solar powered decorations or battery operated decorations. Of course I lost this battle, but we'll get back to that in a hot second.
Saturday night we get home, I put up the wreath, I put the tree up, put out the decorations like a boss! We all ended the night watching The Grinch with the christmas tree on.
Here's where it gets interesting. I wake up Sunday morning, woke up our son Mike to help with the outside. Now, normally I would have just knocked it out myself however, Tammy, Alessandra and Bianca picked out a fucking 6 foot bear with a top hat and scarf holding a present for our front yard; and I refused to put that together, so Mike got the job. My job was wiring two friggen Disney projectors, three lighted christmas presents, lighted garland and this friggen bear into the porch light.
Mike and I knocked out the decorations, then I came in and hung blinds by the bosses orders. I was curious to see how the Grisgay light show would turn out being that we had added three knew things that required electricity. So we waited until it got dark. I took a shower, getting ready to finally relax when it happened! I went to turn on the Christmas tree only to find that the top part and the bottom part of the tree was lit. Why you ask? Because one of our 8 asshole cats decided to climb the fucker and eat the connector, which then prompted this response from me:
In the car, pj's and all to Walmart, (oh stop! that's normal attire for Walmart), bought 5 boxes of lights, came home and strung the whole tree that was once a pre-lit tree, that became a plain tree because of the disrespectful, ungrateful cats! Once I got the tree back up and running, it was time for the Grisgay light show. I said a prayer, made the sign of the cross and said:
I flipped the switch for the porch light and low and behold there were outside decorations that had me like:
So there ya have it! The reasons why there has not been a blog! Tis the friggen season!
Happy Sunday everyone. My sincerest apologizes for the delay in blogging. Last month was a bit of a crazy month with 4 of our 5 kids having birthdays. It literally felt like every other day all I did was this:
First we started off with our youngest, who turned 10 and wanted sneakers for his birthday. Not just any kind of sneakers, but LEBRON sneakers. I remember when I was younger and it was my birthday, I got a cake, told to blow the candles out and make a wish for something I really wanted.......that I never got! I'm still waiting on 38 years of fucking birthday wishes! Lebrons.. he don't even play basketball! In any event he got his sneakers. Then 4 days after his birthday our twins turned 21. So since 21 is a milestone birthday we took immediate family to dinner and celebrated their day. This is where it starts to get interesting. The morning of the twins' birthday, Anthony gets a stomach virus.
At this point I'm thinking we have exactly 6 hours before we have to leave so throw up as many times as you can before we leave. Needless to say my plan did not go as well as it did inside my head. I'll spare you the details of what transpired at the restaurant but let's just say at one point I caught myself sitting at the table looking like:
We finally made it to the end of the night and we get home and get Anthony in bed and then Bianca comes in and informs us that she needs to go to the medi-merge in the morning because her throat is on fire and her ears hurts. Then we find out the next day that Alessandra was up with a stomach virus all night and that Bianca had a throat infection and ear infection. So here I am drinking coffee thinking that this can't possibly be a good thing right now. Then suddenly this image pops into my head:
So Tam and I immediately quarantine everyone to their rooms. I'm spraying everything I can think of down with lysol.. yes even the cats because they touch the cats. I'll be honest, I contemplated rigging up a can of lysol to the hose and taking all the germ breeding, infected kids outside and doing this:
My wife told me I was overreacting. I think NOT! I can't get sick. I have to go work. Provide. Do the providing thing. Then the unimaginable happened very early morning on Monday. The germs had reached my wife! I wake up and check on her in the bathroom like:
Listen, I'm supportive but when you're looking like the kid from the exorcist I'm going to be supportive from a distance. This meant one thing.. I was going to have to get the kids to school and we all know from previous blogs how well that plays out when I'm left unsupervised with the kids. Needless to say, Anthony went to school in an outfit that apparently didn't match. I gave him the wrong lunch and almost drove over cones on the drop off line because I don't read ANY emails that come from the school. With everyone in the house down with some sort of germ infested illness, I immediately start googling things to take to not get sick and come up with the miracle drug! Activated charcoal people! Buy it, stock up on it, live on it! After dropping Anthony off at school I drove around looking for this stuff. Finally after 4 pharmacies I found it, got in the car and immediately took two! Now I will advise you all that if you're going to take this, drink it with A LOT of water. I had a little bit of coffee left and one pill got stuck in my throat and when I burped it tasted like I ate a bag of quick start charcoal for a grill. So of course my entire drive home I'm like:
I walked into the house like:
Walked up to everyone and gave them 2 pills and said, "no questions, take these", like a boss! I made everyone take two pills every 3 hours. The next day everyone felt better and I stood, the lone survivor of the stomach virus rampage like:
I'm telling you... ACTIVATED CHARCOAL. Get it, you can thank me later!
Now that everyone is over the cooties and have officially been cleared from Quarantine by me, let's talk about Halloween! I'm not a very big fan of Halloween and yes we've discussed this in numerous blogs of mine so no need to rehash it all. I am however surrounded by a family that likes Halloween so I just play along like:
I'm not exactly sure how I, let alone anyone can get excited about any halloween considering come September every store has Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Year decorations out all at once! Somehow, someway it became Hallankschristyear. I mean what the fuck is that about? I'm not sure if I should be buying candy, a thanksgiving center piece, a baby Jesus or a friggen Welcome to 2018 sign! Slow it down merchandisers, slow... it ... down!
So because I play along so well with the Halloween thing, I got to take Anthony trick-or-treating. My wife in her usual Witch costume (no serious, she dresses up as a witch every year.. not that she is one), stayed back handing out candy with our two dogs, whom she decided to dress up too!
With the witch, the bat and the F-Boy dog at home, Anthony, Ale, Bianca and myself ventured the neighborhood. The whole time I thought Anthony was a vampire until one of the neighbors called him Skeletor and I turned to Ale and Bianca and said, "that's what he is?" What? Listen, I don't do this stuff people! Vampire, Skeletor, what the hell is the difference? I mean he had a cape! What Skeletor do you know that has a cape? As if it's not bad enough that I don't even know what our kid is for halloween, I also hate walking! I contemplated driving from house to house but I got this look from my wife:
Walking it is then! I figured walking around a neighborhood would be more fun in a shark onsie, so that's exactly what I did! Bianca and Ale headed back to the house to hand out candy with Tammy, which left me and Vampetor boy walking around. I kept trying to convince that he had tons of candy in his bag and that we should head home. Yea, nope didn't work. Then the ghost and ghouls of Halloween came through for me.. he had to pee! Aww look at that time to go home!
I walk inside and lay directly on the couch in my shark onsie and all while the family is outside tending to the greedy candy kids outside! I'm thinking to myself it's getting dark everyone go home and eat your stash and drive your parents crazy! I have one here that's already diving into his stash. I start thinking that once again, I've made it through another halloween until my wife comes in and tells me that we're taking a drive to an old abandoned slaughter house after dinner. In my mind I'm thinking:
I mean of course I kept that in my head, but what came out of my mouth was more like:
She looks at me and said, "come on, it's Halloween it will be fun"! I'm sorry..abandoned slaughter house + halloween + the friggen world has gone mad+ darkness + in the middle of no where= NOT FUN AT ALL! Have you lost your damn mind? Listen Witch, I am not following the yellow brick road to find the friggen Wizzard. Don't make me drop a house on you!
I lost that battle! Carlton stayed behind with Anthony (lucky asses) so Tammy, Ale, Bianca and myself headed out for a Halloween drive. Now the whole time I'm driving my wife is like "can we play halloween music?" "Oh this is going to be so fun!" Meanwhile I'm driving, plotting my revenge. So we pull down the dark road where the slaughter house is off of and I start driving really slow, I turn into the dirt path and all of sudden, Ale, Bianca and my wife start saying "oh no, I have a bad feeling, I have bad feeling, go back!" Oh... what's this now? You all wanted to drag my ass out of the house for a fright night drive, I'm not even on the property yet and you all have a bad feeling! Okay. So I put the car in reverse and I yell, "Holy shit what is that in my back up camera!?" Now all three of them are screaming and turning there heads and going, "what is it?! Oh my god! go mommy go!" Meanwhile I'm sitting there like:
Feeling pretty proud of myself I head up the road and I have everyone telling me to just go home now. Oh no, it doesn't work like that! I turned around and pulled up right outside the slaughter house and everyone is looking to the left and I turn and yell "oh my god, who is outside the friggen window!? What the fuck is that!! OH MY GOD!", they all turn and scream at the top of their lungs, while I'm sitting in the driver seat like:
That'll teach them! Can't prank a prankster!
So the next morning we're having coffee before I leave for work and my wife asks, "where is Anthony's candy bag?" I sip my coffee and look at her like:
You should all know what comes next out of Tammy's mouth. She looks at me and goes, "Kris, what did you do?" Well, I may have suggested that he just leave it in his room for the night, you know, it was late.
I quickly followed up with, "coffee is good baby, I love you!" Which then of course prompted this reaction from Tammy:
So there ya have it folks! Until next time!