I've come to the conclusion that Jesus has jokes. I mean absolutely no disrespect when I say that, I'm simply stating a fact. Seriously the amount of shit that goes on in our family I can only imagine J-Easy is up there like:
It may come as no surprise to all of you that we have had yet another eventful past two weeks, maybe three. I really don't know what day it is at the moment. In any event, let's rewind back to Mother's Day weekend. So brief recap is that our Daughters surprised us with a little staycation at a nice hotel that had a salt water pool. During that time, we get a call from Mike who proceeds to tell us that he has some red dots around his belly button. This call followed by a text message of his belly button. Tammy and I look at the picture and think that it may very well be the start of chicken pox. Tammy calls him and tells him to go to the doctor and get it checked. Does he do what we tell him to do?
After our little staycation we had discovered that Mike's little red dots around his belly button had spread to his sides and chest. At this point Bianca is yelling at him to go to the doctor's because her engagement party is coming up and she doesn't want the chicken pox. Alessandra is walking around saying, "I can't tell if it's a pox or a pimple!" Mike keeps saying he doesn't have time to go to the doctors, so I say, "fine don't go and keep walking around spreading your pox infected ass to everyone you come in contact with!" Long story short we finally convince him to go to the doctor and get it checked out. At that point I start thinking:
Mike calls us after the doctor's appointment to tell us that the doctor said it was chicken pox and gave him .... ready for this shit? The doctor gave him an "anti-viral" that would not make him "contagious" anymore!
Now it may have been several centuries since Tammy and I had the chicken pox but I'm pretty sure there is no such fucking thing as an anti-viral chicken pox medication that does not make your pox infestation NOT contagious! I also wasn't aware of the fact that a doctorates in medicine came out of a fucking cracker jack box! Somehow I picture the doctor looking like this
We'll come back to Pocky boy in a little bit, I want to move on to the other interesting events that have transpired since we last spoke. As I mentioned in the last blog we have a cat that wants to do dirty things to one of our female cats because he's a "teenager" according to the vet. So spraying and trying to kill her is his way of impressing her. Still not buying it but okay! So Carlton and Bianca bought some cat treats thinking this would encourage him to stop being a teenage douchebag with giving him attention and treats..... ME:
Carlton starts to go and pet Finn (Bianca and Carlton's cat) and Finn turns around and bites him. Carlton felt that giving Finn a treat would "calm him down because he was upset". Bianca tells him that he can't reward Finn for his bad behavior, while Carlton is feeding Finn treats. Meanwhile Jax was taking treats and then stalking Mila. So much for the treats!
Moving on.... I'm not sure if I mentioned it or not but our little guy had an inflamed heel from football a little while back. He's fine now. I bring this up because about a week and a half ago, Alessandra told Bianca that her foot was swollen one morning when she woke up. Now I'm not exactly sure how you manage to wake up with a foot twice the size it should be and NOT remember how or what you did to it but it's Alessandra so anything is possible!
Back to the doctors we go, same problem, same body part, different kid! The doctor tells us that she wants me to take her for an x-ray and that she needs to stay off of her foot until further notice, so prescribes Alessandra crutches. Alessandra looks at me and says "I've always wanted crutches"! At this point my only reaction could be this:
We leave the doctors office and Bianca and I taker her over to this Specialized Children's Medi-Merge that does x-rays and shit. We walk in and it looks like the inside of Medieval Times! The whole inside is decorated as a Medieval castle with the old medieval doors, disney movies are playing and there was a armored solider in the corner. Alessandra and Bianca are taking pictures inside the place, while I'm thinking to myself
Long story short, she has a severe sprain of a tendon, ligament or muscle. Apparently the doctor couldn't make up his mind! Needless to say they put her in a boot and put her out of gym until the pain goes away. Bianca said that she was glad the boot was black because at least it would go with whatever Alessandra wore to school. Fashion first!
So to recap.. we have one kid with pox, one kid with a mysterious sprained foot, one kid with a heeled foot, another kid counting down the days to the incubation period of the pox, Tam's back is still broken and a cat that's still trying to kill his crush. Got it? Good! Moving on.
In the midst of all the chaos we're putting together favors for Bianca's engagement party and making lanterns for the tables.
At this point it's now Memorial Day weekend and Tammy suggests that we barbecue on Memorial Day.. you all know the day that we had the tropical storm? I looked at her and said "no problem hun, I can barbecue in a tropical storm, I'm sure it's been done before!" Of course I would have to go to the store first and then this would happen:
I mean who cares if I the burgers and dogs float their way into the house. So what if tree branches are flying in my direction while I'm grilling. Hey as long as the wife and kids get their barbecue the sacrifices I WILL MAKE!
Oh, back to the pox boy... so early this week he comes up from his room and tells us that he thinks the doctor was wrong and that the dots aren't going away and it's been at least 4 weeks. So we tell him to go to the family doctor instead of a medi-merge and find out what the hell it is. Long story short the fucking kid never had the pox he has rosacea!
On a brighter note, after several months of waiting, we finally have a date for Tammy's back surgery. Now this should be a relief given I'm not cut out for this stay-at-home mom thing, but quite frankly I am not looking forward to sleeping in an uncomfortable recliner that doesn't recline for three days! Then again this isn't our first rodeo!
Welp, there ya have it! Until the next adventure I'll be over here like...