We are back from recovering from our oldest son's wedding this past weekend. The first thought that comes to mind is "the other 4 kids we have left in the damn nest better stay in the nest for the next 10-15 years!" The week leading up to the wedding was nothing short of chaotic. Then again, that seems to be usual for us here! Tuxedo fitting, dress fittings, back and forth to the florist, down to the reception hall to drop off decorations for the arch on the beach, candles for the tables, hair appointments and nail appointments. I'm tired all over again just typing that shit out! Every one in our house was on extra strength crazy! Even the dog was excited... I'm not sure for what, it wasn't like he was invited! The morning of the wedding I found him like this:
I suppose that was fine compared to my wife and our youngest daughter realizing that the wedding was getting closer and they had to shower, do their makeup and hair because they stood there like this:
Meanwhile I'm on the couch with coffee, (I'm actually lying it was a mimosa, three of them), in sweat pants and a tank top looking like:
My wife was texting me every five minutes from the salon asking me what I was doing, if I picked up the flowers from the florist and if the boys took them to Staten Island. My response was simple.. "Nope, we're having coffee and talking about random things". Of course that prompted a large amount of text messages from my wife telling me what time the wedding started, what time the flowers had to be at the Bride's house, what time we needed to get ready and what time we needed to leave. Which of course just prompted this response from me:
What? It's a wedding, you're suppose to have celebratory drinks the whole day, right? In any event, the Groom and Best Man (our two oldest sons) come strolling in around noon and decided that getting dressed was second to ripping out on guitars for about an hour. The Groom comes up and announces, "You know what time it is?" Here we are all thinking he's about to say it's time to get married, he announces it was officially Mimosa Time. Man after my heart! Alessandra comes down for Tammy to do her makeup, because Bianca was at the Bride's house as she was the Maid of Honor. Alessandra looks at me and asks if I know how to curl hair with a hot iron. Psssssh of course I do:
So hair is done, makeup is on... Alessandra and Tammy... not me! I tell our little guy to put his suit on and do his hair. I remind the Groom and Best Man that Garage Band is over and it's time to get ready. I jump in the shower, get my tux on come out and my beautiful wife tells me I look Joe Pesci! Um....
Listen, I know I'm a short Sicilian but Joe Pesci? Come on.. couldn't you at least give me Robert DeNiro? What do you guys think? You think I look like Joe Pesci here:
Yea... I didn't think so.
So off to the wedding we go. Driving in a tux has got to be one of the most uncomfortable feelings in the world. Every time I had to turn to look over my shoulder I basically managed to choke myself with the top button and tie. I'll skip through the part of all the family pictures and waiting around for the ceremony to start and get right to the ceremony. It was on the beach, which was absolutely beautiful but difficult to walk in dress shoes and socks. I was concentrating on not tripping and falling face down in the sand like this:
We managed to make it down the isle safely with no problems. The ceremony was beautiful and now we officially have another daughter! The reception was just as amazing. I for one did not stop dancing from the first song to the end of the night. I John Travolta'd myself all over the place. I thought who I was for sure. Thinking it was Saturday Night Fever:
Which was fine... until the next morning when I went to get out bed and walked like this:
I damn near broke a hip doing some Cuban slide dance. Too much Cuban in my slide I think!
In any event, all the chaos leading up to the wedding was well worth watching our son and new daughter dance their first dance as husband and wife. Check out our Bonus Features for a slideshow of some pictures from the Gaydy Bunch Family's first wedding!
Happy Mother's Day to all you fabulous mothers out there and to all the dads doing the daddy and mommy thing! We'll get back to the Mother's Day celebrations later on. Let's get you all caught up with us this past week. I suppose I should announce that Tammy and I are grandparents! I mean we were already grandparents to our catildren (our daughters' cats), however we have once again became grandparents! He's a tiny little fellow. Our son Mike has become the proud father to Avocado, the Bearded Dragon! Yes, Tammy and I now have a grantile! As if we didn't have enough species in this house, we now added reptiles to the mix.
I have to say, I was never a big fan of reptiles, but this little guy is pretty cool. He just hangs out under a heat lamp. Mike asked if I wanted to feed him, so initially I was like yea and then he held up a box of fucking crickets. My "yea" quickly went to "helllllllll no and why are there insects in my house"? Of course Mike had to explain to me that they eat live crickets and worms. Which of course just prompted this reaction:
Listen I know this thing is like a relative of Jurassic park, but can't we make him vegan? Vegan is the new thing now.. everyone's doing it, reptiles should not be exempt from trying new things. A little kale for example.. shit I've been eating that crap for lunch for the past 5 months! In any event, I refuse to feed him. I'm not sympathetic to insects, however when you're staring at a box of happy crickets, cricketing around having no idea they're about to get eaten by a lizard you kinda feel bad for the little fuckers. Put yourself in their shoes, not that they actually wear shoes, but that would be pretty cute. Sorry I digressed with that image in my head of crickets in shoes. Anyway, back to my point. So imagine you're a cricket and your just cricketing around minding your own business and this giant human hand pinches you up and takes you away from your cricket friends and throws you in this tank. At first you might think, "oh this is nice! There's grass, little cacti, a tree branch and a pool of water, I'm HOME!" Then out of no where a tongue comes flying at you and you're dead. Most of you are probably reading this and looking like this:
Thinking that I have officially lost my damn mind, while some of you might actually see where I'm coming from and look like this:
To each is own, I suppose, but ponder that for a moment! Moving on...
So I recently aquired a second job. I'm excited! It's a few hours every night working at my son Mike's job. I'm not sure if I'm excited about bringing in extra money or the fact that I get to torment Mike while working with him and getting paid to do it. It's a toss up I suppose! Mike work's at Pep Boys, so I'm the newest Pep Boyyyyyyyya! Mike's manager skipped the whole process and offered me a job and an hourly rate. Mike said that I started out making more than he did when he first started there. My response was quite simple.. "You see the importance of a college degree?" Now that message can go either way. It can be taken as, "well, you have a college degree and have $30,000 in student loans only to have to take a night job because your degree isn't worth what you're actually worth!" It could also be taken as, "you have a college degree so you skip minimum wage but you're still gonna need a part time job on top of your full time job because living is fucking expensive". I do the mom thing really well!
So interesting little fun fact here... did you know that they did away with peeing in a cup for a drug test for new hires? Now they test your hair. When the manager told me that I thought it was cool because peeing in a cup is never fun you always manage to pee on your hand. Anyway I went to get my hair tested and at first I was intrigued with how this would happen until the bitch brought out scissors. My response to her holding scissors was pretty much like this:
She ended up cutting three sections of my hair. What the hell is that? Wasn't one enough?! Which brings me to the next topic.
With our oldest getting married this coming weekend, my wife told me that she has a hair appointment. So naturally I said, well I'm going get mine cut right before. She literally told me that the last hair cut I got made me look like I "was ALL face". I'm not even sure that the hell that means? How do you have all face when you get a haircut? Her explanation was this: "you had face and then skin, which made you look like you had all face."
So the time when I came home, thinking my new cut, fade and shape up was on point, she was thinking I was nothing but face. She then goes on to tell me that when she met me I had shoulder length hair, and I keep going shorter and shorter. From that she went on to tell me that eventually she'll be married to Pitbull. Good to know. So just to inform you all, I will not be getting a hair cut before our son's wedding. Mostly because my wife said so, but also because I don't want to be this person at our son's wedding:
I mean, no one realllllly wants to be that one at a wedding, especially your own kids' wedding.
So let' talk about Mother's Day shall we? Ahhh, waking up to the smell of coffee brewing, a knock on the door with breakfast served in bed by our slew of children, the cat litter cleaned and the floors swept.... yea NOPE! My wife and I woke up to coffee from the night before, fighting with the Keurig to read the k-cup while the coffee was brewing. She cleaned the litter while I lectured the dogs on learning how to shit outside instead of on a wee-wee pad. Only to sit down by ourselves at the table while the kids were asleep staring at each other like "where the hell all our damn kids go?" They were all trying to play that "oh my god, I slept late, we meant to get up early" game. Mmmmmhmmmm!
So after my wife and I had some coffee, we took OURSELVES to the grocery store to pick up some things for OUR Mother's Day BBQ, only to come home and have to cook OUR celebratory dinner and then when that was over, WE got to clean up all the dishes from OUR Mother's Day BBQ. That's okay... Tammy and I get to enjoy and relax on Father's Day!
I will say that our daughter's really do go above and beyond for us every year for mother's day. They usually make us something really cute that has a bunch of selfie's of themselves in it and make us an amazing breakfast. This year they threw us off and when we went out to the grocery store they made us fresh coffee and pancakes and bought us a gift. We got gifts from the boys too. No cooking involved tho. We'll have to work on that for next year.
We hope all of you enjoyed your mother's day. Feel free to share your mother's day with us in the comment section below!
Until next time Team Gaydy...............
This past weekend I spent my nights binge watching 13 Reasons Why on Netflix. When it first came out I saw a lot of back-lashing and commentary on social media and never really knew what it was about. Friday night, my wife and I decided to watch it. My wife was battling a cold so she dozed in and out of sleep during the series, but I spent Friday and Saturday until 4 am watching. I couldn't stop watching it, it drew you in immediately. I probably could have finished it Friday night/morning if I knew our little guy wouldn't be up at the ass crack of dawn.
I know my blogs are are full of self-deprecating humor and a sarcastic insight into our crazy bunch and our family life. However on a rare occasion I like to post something that hits home. Being a parent is not for the weak at heart. It's a tough job with endless hours and no paycheck at the end of the week, but there are benefits. I've watched a lot of things on tv, but NOTHING has ever been so powerful than 13 Reasons Why. This series really managed to hit every single feel button, and really manages to touch on every single facet of a bullying. As a parent, watching this series I was felt every single emotion possible. I was bullied at home, but I wasn't a bully. Our middle son was bullied in his Freshman year of high school and we went to battle with the school. Our daughters have defended children being bullied. This show left me with so much.
Here are my thoughts after watching Season 1:
To those that are being bullied: I know you've heard it a thousand times, maybe you haven't, but the truth is YOU ARE NOT ALONE! You didn't do anything to be bullied nor is it your fault. Sometimes you may think that ending it all is the only way out, but it's not. Feeling lost is okay, making mistakes is okay, being different is okay, not fitting in is okay, we've all been there in some way. You can't change things if you're NOT HERE to make the change. Stay here with us and tell your story, fight to make the change and you'll be the change. I know sometimes you're in such a dark place that you feel like you'll never find the light, but trust me, and I'm speaking from experience the light is there. You're SOMEBODY! You're LOVED! You're SPECIAL! You're NEEDED! If you don't have anyone to talk to, talk to us.
To those that do the bullying: I understand that sometimes the ones that bully are being bullied at home or see bullying being done at home and it becomes a learned behavior. Understand this, that learned behavior can be changed. Yes, it will take work, but you don't have to be what you see. I also understand that there are those that bully because they think that they're better than everyone that isn't "on their level". To those people, you need a swift punch in the throat for being an asshole! You don't get to walk around self-righteous and pretentious and prey on the weak because it makes YOU feel better about yourselves. Don't be that guy. Don't be that girl. Rise above the pretentious bullshit like being the popular kid and just be a friggen good person.
To Schools that don't have anti-bullying protocol: What's the matter with you? Don't tell me it's a budget thing because that's a poor excuse. It doesn't require a budget to educate teachers and students on the effects bullying has on kids. It doesn't cost anything to educate teachers and staff to pick up on warning signs that kids exhibit and it certainly doesn't cost anything to educate teachers and staff to know warning signs of a suicidal teen. It takes time, that's all it takes. Schools are supposed to be safe places for students. Not just the popular kids or the kids that come from the all-American family. ALL KIDS, of all different kinds of backgrounds deserve to feel safe, at home and in school.
To parents: KNOW your kids. TALK to your kids. UNDERSTAND your kids. TEACH your kids. Be INVOLVED in your kids' lives even if it means sitting them down and not letting them leave until they bare they're souls. Sometimes as parents we get lost in our struggles that we miss opportunities in our children's lives. We take for granted that they have struggles too. That they too are fighting for something, and in some cases they're fighting for their lives. We have jobs as parents. We don't just get to give them life and let them figure it out on their own. We have to each our kids to be good people. Teach them compassion and empathy. Understanding and love. Courage and hope. We have to teach them that everyone is fighting for something. We have to teach them that everyone is fighting for something. We have to teach them they are stronger together, not stronger tearing each other apart or bringing each other down. We have to teach them that people are different and that in itself doesn't make them bad or deserving of bullying.
The change starts with us as parents. If we do it right and I mean really do it right, our children will learn from us. What they take away from us and our lessons, they'll pass it on to their children and their children will pass it on to theirs and so on. Enough is enough. For the love of God our children are our future.
If you're a teenager, a parent, a teacher, an adult and haven't seen this series... WATCH IT! If you're a parent, watch it with your kids! You might end up saving a life or two.
Happy Hump Day! Yes I know I'm a few days past the time I generally post, but you try keeping a schedule in this house. In case you're all wondering what I mean, try getting a cat to sit and stay and you'll understand. Enough about that, let's jump right into the shenanigans shall we?
I figured we'll start out with candy. Yes, candy. With Easter just passing and us having 4 kids living in the house there is bound to be candy. Let's rewind just before Easter. The twins, Mike and Bee had dinner with their father who brought them Russian candy and Japanese candy. The Russian candy was like fruit snacks with a jelly center. They came in all kinds of flavors but we all established that the green ones taste like cactus. Not that any single one of us have actually eaten a cactus but that was the consensus so just take it!
The Japanese candy on the other hand, was a little bit more interesting. The proper name for this candy is "Rice Candy". I don't know about you but any type of candy that has the word rice in it does not sound like a good time. So here we all are, opening up the candy to find this clear wrapping around them. Now, none of us are fluent in Japanese so the directions on the box were of absolutely NO HELP! We decided to start peeling the clear wrapping off of the candy and realized that it wasn't exactly coming off so easy. So what did I do? I made Carlton eat it first with the wrapper on it? What? It's not like he's officially a part of the family yet! After he eats it and appears to be fine, we all ate it. As we're eating it, we're all making this face:
Now me being me, I started to investigate the box the candy came in only to find at the very bottom of the box that the wrapper was edible...that apparently was the rice! Who the fuck knew! In any event the candy tasted like shit, but on a brighter note, it came with stickers, so that made up for the poor excuse of candy that it was.
Speaking of Easter...I ate all the kids Easter candy, because, well NOW THAT'S CANDY! They're all still trying to figure out where it all went. This is where I blame them for eating it all in one day, as I just shrug my shoulders in confusion like this:
It's not like they need the extra sugar with their crazy asses! I did them a favor. I saved their teeth, I protected them against diabetes, weight gain, sugar overdose... it was all for their benefit!
I'm not sure who out there is a makeup junkie but in any event one of the friggen Kardashians launched a new lipstick, I forgot who, but it was one of the ones that started with a "K". So Bianca, being the makeup connoisseur that she is, found this out and realize that it went on sale at exactly 6pm eastern standard time. Now this was a cluster fuck from the minute we found out what time you could buy it because none of us are proficient in time zones. Bianca realized that she would be at work when the gates to hell opened, which prompted her to give us her debit card and we were officially on Kardashian Lipstick Time Watch. Now this meant that if we missed the time to order we would deal with the wrath of a makeup queen.
So my wife and I are sitting at the kitchen table starting at exactly 5:45 pm constantly refreshing our phones on the Kardashian website and watching the clock, as if we were disabling a bomb. We both kind of looked like this:
As parents we understand the importance of our children's needs and wants. We also understand the importance of not fucking up something as simple as clicking the word "enter" when 6pm hits. Like much of everything in this house, all the clocks have a different time, as if that didn't make matters more complicated. That one minute could have been the end. In any event we both managed to make it into the website and click buy by 6:01pm. Now here we are thinking that we are the heroes once again. NO. Of course it's not that simple. We were put in some friggen cyber holding room so the site didn't crash. The message while waiting said something along the lines of "your in here, doesn't mean you get the lipstick, but good luck". I'm sorry.....
How about FUCK YOU! I'm sitting in a friggen cyber room watching a circle spin repeatedly for 15 friggen minutes, when that circle stops I better be able to buy this friggen lipstick or your answering to my daughter, Kardashians! Needless to say we finally got in and ordered the lipstick and got the confirmation. Tam and I were so happy and accomplished that we were like:
Okay, enough at our stella parenting skills.
I'm not sure what night it was, it might have even been one night last weekend, but we had a massive thunder and lightening storm. Now if you talk to my wife she will inform you that I sleep like the dead. She will also tell you that the world could be crashing down around me and I will still be in a REM state. Listen, sleeping is a hobby that I am realllly good at!
Naturally I didn't hear the thunder, nor did the lightening wake me up. You know what woke me up? The fucking asshole dogs that, keep in mind, will bark at everything and anything that walks by our house like their friggen german shepherd killer watch dogs; but one crash of thunder and these assholes are whimpering and jumping all over me to protect THEM! Not to mention trying to get under the covers and hide at the bottom of the bed. THAT right there is what woke me up! Damn dogs acting all:
Welp, now that I was up because I had to coddle two friggen dogs, my wife and I decided to go out into the kitchen and have a cup of coffee. Next thing we know the kids are all up and sitting around us at the table talking about how crazy the storm was, while Mike informs us that he thought World War III had started. Meanwhile all I'm thinking is what perfect weather this is for sleeping! So much for sleeping in!